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Can you be Friends with your Ex?

Written by: Wali Barefield

Photo by MTV

First, I want you to ask your family and friends this question. I am sure that you will get different answers from everyone.

I believe that you can be friends (platonic only) with your ex-lover. Now I am sure there are many of you reading this article that do not agree with me. That's okay. Everyone experience is different with their ex, so it will not be easy to determine if a friendship is possible.

Many people, including myself believe that you must be friends first before you can become lovers. If this is true, then why can’t you be friends after you are lovers. Let us look at this from a pro and con point of view.


· Trust. When starting new friendships, it takes time to learn if you can trust the person. If you had a healthy relationship with your ex-lover, then they may be a person that you can still trust and confide in.

· Dependability. You may be able to rely on them to help you when you need assistance (ex. Money, Vehicle, Co-signer, etc.).

· Unconditional Love. Outside of family, how many people do we know that have unconditional love for us. This list is probably short. However, it is possible that our ex-lover can love us unconditionally.


· Feelings. It may be possible that you or your ex-lover will still have romantic feelings for each other. In this case, it will become difficult to not express them which can lead to someone getting hurt.

· Independence. You may find it difficult to get your independence back if you are still relying on your ex to assist you with issues that occur in your life. To find independence, you must start doing things on your own.

· New Relationship. Your new lover may not feel comfortable with your friendship with your Ex. This can lead to distrust, insecurity, and arguments.

Truthfully speaking, you are the only person that can determine if you and your ex-lover can be friends. If you had a strong friendship during your relationship and broke up on good terms, then it may be possible. It is also possible for the both of you to become friends after your breakup even if the friendship was not strong before.

I believe that a man and woman can just be friends. It may be possible that you are meant to be friends and not lovers. Your platonic friendship can be more valuable than your romantic relationship ever was. If the opportunity presents itself for you and your ex-lover to become friends, then consider exploring it. Of course, if your relationship was unhealthy or ending on negative terms then friendship should not be an option.

I look forward to reading your opinions on this topic. So, I ask you again, can you be friends with your ex?

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