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Confessions of a Divorcée

People say if you find yourself in a bad relationship, it’s the classroom for learning how a good one operates. If this is the case, most of us must have a PhD by now. Getting married is one of the biggest decisions one will ever make...and getting a divorce is just as gigantic. Weaved in the twists and turn of rocky situationships are major keys worth the chaos.

Check out these loves lessons learned from divorce.

You Talk, I’ll Listen

The number one reason marriages and romantic connections come to a demise is communication. Not money, or sex, neither children or weight gain. Communication is the bedrock of a love that lasts. And we’re not speaking about petty, pretend communication. You know, those conversations where there is heavy fronting involved. Or those heated talks when you’re not really listening, you’ve just paused to think about what you’re going to say next.

Communication is the process of sending and receiving information. It is processing the thoughts you want to send and the thoughts you’ve just received. It is not trying to coerce someone into agreeing with you or consenting to an idea you don’t fully understand.

In order to effectively communicate one must first be real with themselves. Too often we communicate the wrong messages based on a potential partner’s assumed desires; tales not rooted in truth or transparency. Collecting and transferring data in the beginning of courtship determines whether or not a future is even possible. It’s baffling how so many are willing to play a role of another in order to establish a relationship. This is equivalent to building a house on quick sand. It will eventual come tumbling down.

Being honest with yourself allows honesty to flow with someone else.

Don’t Change, Keep Growing

No one wants to wake up next to a stranger. On the same note, no wants to go to sleep with the same person they met 10 years ago. Personal development is a gradual process that takes place over a span of time. This is how you know its growth and not a mere role change.

Don’t come into the relationship pretending to be someone you aren’t. The real you will eventually come out of hiding.  Instead, start out as your full self and progress over time. If a person can’t coexist with you now, they just might not be the one. And it’s better to know this early one. You will continue to kiss the same frogs trying to avoid this process.

Be your full self and keep growing.

Be A Cheerleader

No one wants to date a hater. Get comfortable with cheering your partner on in their personal endeavors. This has a lot to do with how we see and treat ourselves; you can only love others to the capacity of which you love yourself. Encourage and inspire your mate in words and actions. Competing in a relationship is super wack and a sure way to catastrophe. You must understand a win for your spouse is a win for you.  

Date with Purpose

Be a power couple. This isn’t suggesting you try to fill the shoes of a Hollywood couple. Real power comes from purpose. You could obtain riches, status, and material possessions but what it is worth if you’re not operating in alignment? From the gate, discover the reason another was placed in your life and you in theirs. Take this seriously because in times of challenge, purpose will keep you together. And you both have to be on the same page. Don’t overlook it. Again, like growth, if purpose isn’t shared, they just might not be the one and that’s OK.

Discover what you two are supposed to accomplish on earth as individuals and as unit.

Photo by from Pexels

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