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Good Love: Defining Healthy Love & How to Live in It

What comes to mind when you consider love? Does it hurt? Is it a struggle? Is it even a thing you believe is “obtainable”?

From Hollywood to your home, we all have variations of what we think love is and what it should look like, but when it’s all said and done, love is an action that influences the parties involved for the better; it produces growth, and creates a sense of safety.

Here are 3 keys that impact or distort Good Love:

Trauma Bonds. Many relationships are built on trauma bonds; they are relationships that are held together by a common hurt with Pain being the match-maker. This is why healing is such an important step before getting involved in romantic relationships. A huge error in dating is dating while injured - this can be emotionally or within the mind.

Trauma bonds only last until someone gets healed. Hopefully the two can be healed together, if not, it is a road to parting ways.

False Narratives. About Hollywood, some tend to see love like they do in the movies.

And when this happens you get a concoction of mis-truths and heartbreak. While films can showcase the high highs and the low lows of romantic love, it’s the spaces in between that make up a relationship. Discovering the true nature of love is key; it’s what builds strong foundations for a love that lasts.

Healing. Love itself heals. The issue, at times, is that people believe that Love has to be experienced with another person in order for that healing to take place. The secret, hidden in plain sight, is that Love is within each of us. It may be difficult to accept but man is wired for Love. This is a scientific truth. We are fully equipped with hormones that make us feel good, connected, and special. Our brains are wired to bond with one another. But if one isn’t first operating in love, the relationships they seek to form can be damaged before they even start.

This issue is rooted in the idea that someone outside of us is responsible for or holds the key to our healing. It’s not to say that healing can’t take place in relationships. It is, however, a gentle reminder that another human being cannot complete you. This is also key even in healthy relationships. When two people are seeking completion from each other, the results are two drained people. You cannot love another beyond how much you love yourself (and how much you know you are already loved).

Seek healing within and good love will be the outcome.

So, what is love? At its core, Love is safety. It is a place where one can be their full selves yet encouraged to grow. It’s a person who sees beyond the flesh and looks at the inner being. It’s a playground to experience joy. And a force field that protects. It’s a diary where secrets are kept. It’s a room where honesty is met.

Love is patient, kind, and good. When we start to believe this truth about Love, we are able to actually experience it. That’s where Good Love is reunited, when one believes that it is and accepts it for who it is.

As you move forward on your relationship journey (familial, platonic, or romantic) remember love is gentle and pure. It doesn’t come to hurt or harm.

It gives life; allowing the object of its affection to flourish and shine.

LifeWork: Take at least 5 minutes to consider Love. Think about what it has been and all that it can be. Then invite it in.


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Tashima Jones is an author and life coach who focuses on personal development and building inner-wealth. Tap here for more on her coaching sessions. Not a Member? Join the Club here.

This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.


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