Too Toxic For You

I have spent years dating men I didn’t like. I knew I was toxic and didn’t want to be a in serious relationship. I had trauma that needed healing and I simply did not want to be held accountable for my actions. I made sure to date men that I could leave easily.

Here's how I knew I shouldn’t date men I like:

I dated a wonderful man in college, we started making plans for our after-graduation future. It was a beautiful thing but I hated it because I wasn’t ready!

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We both knew we would not be seeing each other often after graduation because he lived out west. He wanted to do something nice before we left, he planned a surprise date and asked me to be home (his dorm room) by 7. I was excited and agreed to be there. While I was chilling with my Sorors we got an invite from our bros to come to punchout. A punchout is an event where Sororities and Fraternities bring gallons of their signature alcoholic drink and we walk around with cups continuously refilling and getting LIT. At this time, I was new to the Fraternity/Sorority scene, there was no invite I was turning down. I found a ride to the event and we were on the road!

I knew I was not going to be back on time, I didn’t care. I ignored his phone calls and returned after 3am banging on his door to wake up and let me in. I cried to distract from being a terrible girlfriend.

I’m not proud of this. Dating men I didn’t like, saved them from my toxicity.

We have to keep it real with ourselves. Ladies, say it with me, “I am the problem because I am out here whylin!”.